Barfly's
Austin, TX
The first thing to note about Barfly's (aka Bar Fights, Barf Lies, or Barf Fights) is that it's one of the few remaining textbook dives left in Austin. It's not a neighborhood tavern. It's a dive and the clientele here is outright hostile towards the remaining traces of their sobriety.
The second thing to note is it's a second-story bar. Somehow, I’ve been here half a dozen times and if you put a knife to my junk, for the life of me I could not tell you what’s located downstairs. Who puts a bar upstairs, anyways? This thing is a liability. A lawyer with a billboard on I-35 and a phone number that's 444-SUED probably hangs out in the parking lot just to clean up on the lawsuits from stair falls. Bring good shoes; you’ve been warned.
This used to be a place called Charlie’s Attic, a smoke-filled joint where the owner was prone to climbing atop the bar and singing Lynyrd Skynyrd. I can't imagine it has changed too much since then. This place is darker than Buffalo Bill's basement pit and the back-patio crowd sucks down cigs like Don Draper after a three-martini lunch. It's one of the top bars in town to drink alone and seriously ponder going to therapy.
I've heard this place described as a good date spot, and I can see how the dim lighting, cheap prices, pool tables, and solid juke box can facilitate such hypotheses. Divorcees with a felony record aren't gung-ho about sushi restaurants, after all.
There's something for everyone at Barfly's, as long as "everyone" is "alcoholics with neck tattoos and below-average life expectancy." We could use a few more of these in Austin.
Standout online reviews:
"Don't go to Barflys. It is not for the general population."
"This place is NOT handicap friendly."
"Bartenders looked like they were sick of making drinks and needed a job change."
"’Blade’ was playing last night."
"Come here if you were born between '80-'91."
"Their motto is 'Our drinks are cheap so you don't have to be'"
"A large roach crawled up my pant leg while sitting at a table at this bar in 2004." (5 stars)